Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
