my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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