Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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