Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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