I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
