How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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