I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Randomize
