Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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