my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
