I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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