well you can't waste a boner
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
