Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
