Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
