dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
