we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
