just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
