my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
if only i could text you this smell
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
