Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Randomize
