I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
