How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize