It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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