Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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