The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
