omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
