somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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