i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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