Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
