She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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