I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
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