nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
