This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize