paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
