i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize