I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
