ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Randomize
