Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
