oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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