i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
