he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
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