I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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