So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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