Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
