People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
