Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
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