Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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