for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
