He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
