I need help removing her.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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