Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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