My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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