i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
