dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Randomize
