now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
