I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
