i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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