well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
