You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
