I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
It's rum buckets o'clock
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
