dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
