It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize