uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
