Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
