there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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