my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
