I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
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