Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
