dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
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