woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
