So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize