While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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